Iiya Motto Moshiyou
by Shizuka Ishimaru
Summary: RINSESS. Forced to make life on her own, she had given up any hope of ever seeing him again, not knowing all the while he had regretted it as much as she did. He wants her back... but there are circumstances the might come between them forever.
1. Prelude

**Iiya Motto Moshiyou: No More Words**

**Prelude – Sea Of Distances**

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Vision _without action is a daydream. Action with without vision is a nightmare._

—Japanese Proverb

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He had almost forgotten the pleasantness of her face. To him she appeared just as beautiful as was Amaterasu, and all that he could do was to stare at her, as if in disbelief. _Everything that he ever imagined her being in beauty, she had exceeded. _He couldn't imagine it. There she was before him, humming happily as she lie in the field of wild flowers with a few other young women. All where lavishly dressed, and their garments spoke of tremendous wealth and power. _Unimaginable… there she was, after all these years—the very image of power, and wealth… **prosperity** herself… _He marveled openly. His heart ached to touch her, but all that he could do was to watch silently, hoping that she could not see him, as he kept his presence somewhat hidden from behind a bough of trees. 

She was _perfect._ Everything about her. She was dressed in fine silk kimono, and she wore white tabi. Her hair was pulled into fine silver combs of pearls and jade, and her face was powdered a frosty white, and her lips where a deep red. She carried a parasol, and her obi was a bright emerald green. He could only stare, as he remembered how vast the differences between now, and then. _Why did I ever lose her?_ He pondered, as he felt his sorrow overcome his astonishment. _It didn't matter if she **hadn't **indeed become this beautiful. She had always been so admiring, so gentle, and caring. Her very nature was so loyal… and yet, why was she not enough then? _What had he done?

Though his face showed nothing in his emotions, he was all inner turmoil, as he reminisced over the moments of the past… as he hated himself for throwing away **THIS** that was so near to him—yet so distanced. _Could she ever come to him again? Could he ever seek her out, and risk his pried, and honor? Could he disgrace himself with revealing his want in her? _Aa. There it was. Now he remembered. That was the reason **_why_** he rid himself of the girl in the first place—_he could not cease the thoughts of her **disgracing **him._ His own pride, and aristocratic vanity was what separated them. It was what tore her out of his arms—out of his grasp.

She undoubtedly hated him now. There was no use in assuming otherwise. She looked so content—so peaceful there. Well, it _had _been four years since he had told her to leave. It was natural that she _should _adjust. He would only wish it for her. But… not in the way that it had transpired. There was something wrong with the whole way that everything looked. She looked almost _too _content—and then he noticed. She was looking directly at him, though it was obvious in her facial expressions that she couldn't _see him_. The trees where still obstructing her vision from seeing him—but he knew it. _**She** knew that he was there… and she was afraid._

His breathing stopped. Should he announce his presence? Should he allow her to see him? To see that he truly was there… that he now understood what it was that had torn them apart? That there now was perhaps a way to mend the tear? That she should return with him, and forget the filthy ningen village that she lived in? _She SHOULD forget them…_ he thought to himself, seething that she had actually taken any pleasure in being away from him. _**HE** had always protected her… what did she have to thank these lowly mortals for? They had nothing. **THEY **where not the ones that restored to her, her very **LIFE**! They could never be anything to her!_

He saw her eyes become sad, and blurred. She wiped her nose, and sniffled. The other ladies by her side looked at her with concern, and silently she explained to them that she was not feeling well, and needed to be excused. Her pale hands trembled as she gently seized her scarlet parasol. She held it tipped over her shoulder, hiding the upper half of her body from the eyes of her friends, as she hung her head, and walked towards the path that led to the village, ashamed. _Ashamed? But… why?_ Why should she be ashamed? She had done nothing shameful… _had she?_

He didn't hesitate, and the moment he saw her figure disappear behind the foliage, he took close follow, and appeared silently before her. Though she did not raise her head, that was lowered sadly, and shamefully, she did pause, and bowed as far as her obi would allow her. And she whispered through a pained voice… "…Ohayougozaimasu, Sesshoumaru-sama." She said respectfully, as she tried her best to slip past him, but her attempt was to no avail, as he caught the sleeve of her kimono in his hand. "Rin, why are you afraid of this Sesshoumaru?" She quickly looked at him from the corner of her eye, but averted her gaze just as suddenly. "Yurushi, onegaiitashimasu!" She said, in a pleading voice, as she struggled to free herself nearly frantically from his grasp.

He was perplexed at her actions. His heart ached to know what was troubling her… and he could only assume that he was the cause of her uneasiness. "Rin! Listen! This Sesshoumaru has not come to bring you harm…!" He said, barely expressing the pain he himself felt. She had been broken that night… those four years ago. Nothing would ever be the same for her, and it saddened him. He could understand why she was rejecting him. _After all, it is what he had done to her… all those years past. _But… then again, what is really so long ago? Was four years all really that long? Aa. No, if was not the time itself, but it was the time separated from her that made the days turn into decades, and the years into centuries. They _needed _one another… and it had taken him this long to realize how much what was missing… was tearing him down.

…_four years previously…_

It took everything that he had to push her from him… but he knew that if he didn't, that he would take her. He couldn't risk that… couldn't—do what his Father had done. It would be a disgrace! A further tarnish on his line. She was something he both loved, and hated. She was his strength—and his weakness. With her, he could live. Without her, his heart would die. But, without her… his weakness and strength too would die. He would evolve into nothingness… his soul would be nothing more than a soul without a purpose—but, he could not take her… and if she where to remain with him any longer—he would. He would be unable to deny himself further. She was everything that he craved for. And she expressed to him her deep feelings… she had told him that she _loved him…_ and now he could only clench his fists in heart wrenching pain, as he lowered his head. His eyes began to turn deadly crimson.

_Tell the girl to run… tell her to run… run… run… leave now!_

Where the only coherent thoughts in his mind as she shyly pressed her lips to his. He was torn. Either at that moment, she had to leave him forever… or he would be bound to her forever. He collapsed to his knees, his face holding an expression of pain, and turmoil… she looked at him with her wide, dark eyes, sparkling with fear, and bewilderment. "Sesshoumaru-sama! What is wrong—?" "—Rin… leave now!—don't ask any questions! Go! Never return!" He spat, through his gritted teeth, as he fought back his nature that was longing for her, with a stronger force than he had ever felt anything in his life. _He hated her. _Hated her for making him react in such a way! Hated her for being so weak that he could not resist the urge to take her—resist the inevitable fate that would tear away from him the one thing that mattered the most—the one thing that held his heart. _Yes… _he hated her with a passion.

Slowly he stood before her, and seized her confused, trembling body, and held his face merely a breath away from her. "Rin… leave now, or **_I_** will _KILL YOU."_ He spat venomously. She closed her eyes as tears rolled down her paled cheeks. Shaking her head slowly. Wanting—refusing to believe that this was happening! It was all a dream! Sesshoumaru-sama would keep her with him forever! But his claws where drawing blood from her skin. Puncturing through the frail fabric of her yukata, and delicate layers of her skin. She shook her shoulders violently, and stumbled backwards, as her tears blurred her vision. His eyes held nothing but hate, and contempt, and he had told her to leave… or… or—he would **_kill her_**. Her eyes flew shut as she stumbled backward a few steps. Looking back at him one last time, she turned and ran. She didn't care where she would end up. All is that mattered is that she forget him. The memory of him… and her heart broke.

* * *

She ran until her feet bled, and exhausted, she fell limply against a tree, one hand pressed to her chest, panting for breath. She slid down until she fell to the earthen floor of the forest. Her eyes drift close, as she thought of Sesshoumaru-sama. Nothing she had done could explain why he had reacted like that. Was there something offensive about her love, and admiration for him? Was it so disgraceful? "Aa, shikatanonai." She cried to herself, as she thought just to herself how near impossible it was to place a finger on Sesshoumaru-sama's actions, or his so deeply concealed emotions. Sometimes… he didn't need to have a reason. He was Sesshoumaru. Lord Sesshoumaru—feared, and respected. _Where **HIS** actions to be questioned? _Never. It was intangible that **_anyone_** would dare such a fatal thing as that. Sesshoumaru-sama's honour was not to be piqued at. 

She was the lowly, and unimportant ningen girl that had happened upon him one evening, and he had taken it as an experiment to wield his Father's ancient sword on her undeserving mortal body, and now—now he had told her to leave. She would return to her own kind perhaps… perhaps that is what she would do. She was unsure of anything, really. Nothing made enough sense to comprehend in her terror stricken mind. All she could concentrate on, where the faint sounds of feminine laughter, drifting gently through the trees, carried by the lazy summer zephyr of the twilight hours. She wasn't able to comprehend why exactly it was that she stood to seek out this melodious sound… but when she did, she was greeted with the sight of beautiful women dressed in their lavish attire. They had painted white faces, and looked very elegant as both of them where pulled in the jinrikisha. She wiped away a few tears from her eyes, and rubbed her reddened cheeks vigorously with the knuckles on her fists. Her stomach felt so empty… and her heart so numb… nothing mattered anymore.

She had to do what Sesshoumaru-sama wanted… there was nothing else to do. All the crying was over. She couldn't cry anymore. Her mind was in too much of a haze. She stepped out from behind the trees, and ran to the women in the jinrikisha, and waved her hands frantically. They looked at her confused, but told the man who drew the cart to wait. "Daijoubu desu ka?" one of the women asked, a slightly confused look on her face. The other woman simply looked at her worried. She bowed her head slightly, and shifted her feet uncomfortably. "Aa. Shiranai. Onegaiitashimasu… dokoira atashi gozen?" She asked, somewhat displeased at herself for the plead in her voice. _Aa! Rin you are a fool!_ She scolded herself. The woman the farthest from her leaned forward, and said in a worried voice, "We are not too far from a village… doushite—why?" Rin looked down at her feet, uncertain of how to respond. "Mou… Rin has displeased her Lord, and her Lord sent her to leave. He said he would kill Rin if she did not run… so Rin is not here… and she is not certain of where **_here_** is!"

The two ladies looked at each other, confused, but they seemed to be pondering something between themselves. Rin again shifted nervously, and kicked her feet back in forth over a few pebbles that lie beneath her feet on the road. The women looked at her, and smiled. "Rin, wouldn't you like to come with us? Aki-san and I would be honoured to have you as our guest." They said without hesitation. Rin felt her heart rate increase. _This might be the only offer I ever get from another ningen… I will have to accept! _"Rin would be honored to! Aki-san… and…?" "Oh! Heikeia-hime! Forgive me! I forget to introduce myself! Aki-san is my lady." She finished, somewhat tying the loose ends of reasoning together somewhat. Rin's eyes widened. "Oh! Thank you Heikeia-hime! And Rin thanks you as well, Aki-san!"

"Don't wait for nothing!" The jinrikisha man chided her. A slight red tinge stained at her cheeks, and she followed instructions, and sat herself on the footboard of the rickshaw, and the somewhat agitated jinrikisha man once again continued in his trotting pace along the weathered path that would lead to the ningen village… and away from him… wherever he was… whatever he thought.

* * *

The jinrikisha was rather rough, and gave a good many jolts to the girl that was entirely beside herself. Nothing really made sense anymore. Her Lord had acted as if he—reciprocated her for a mere moment… but, that was silly—right…? It was an entirely odd reaction to gain from a demon Lord of such an age—giving even that much to a mere mortal girl of only _ten and five years…_ preposterous. HOW COULD SHE EXPECT ANYTHING even remotely close to such a desirable reaction from her Lord—and accept it without question? …Perhaps it was because the answer was truly a simple one… _she would accept, no—take—anything she could acquire from him with OPEN heart, and mind._ That was the only way you _COULD_ accept such a thing. 

It was rare—almost rarer than a sighting of the gods. Almost rarer than the moment that she thought, for once—he could perhaps love her… as young as she was… as… _mortal_ as she was. But… it was truly all a dream—an illusion, created by the mind to overshadow the way that things _really where._ The way that things would _always be_ between him, and her. Dreams and Illusions could not make the reality disappear, any more than tears could wash it away. It was to be forever there… and now, her life would fade away into the void—time. Time was all she had to loose. Every moment was just that—another moment.

In another moment, her life would be over, and his would still be yet to have begun to stir. He was bound forever to his youth… and she to her mortality. To her _humanness. _It was something that neither of them could ever erase… and he did not _want_ her any longer. The game she had been playing her life since the moment she met—no—laid eyes on him, was _OVER_. To never be revisited. He had threatened to _kill her_ if she dared not to leave at that moment. It was within his rights to do… but, why should he? What purpose would taking her one, nearly nonexistent life serve? Pleasure? Pleasure from taking away a life that was given by him…? Could that be what he found as enjoyment?

No. He had told her to run. To go. _She would never see him again. _He would never seek after her again. Their days together had been numbered by the cruel, tormenting claws of the fates… and she was forced to live it out, to whatever extent her _mortal_ body would allow the housing of her temporary soul. _Her soul could be reborn again… at any given point in time after her death. _Silently she prayed that for her, it might be like it was with the miko-girl… the—Ka-ka…. Kage---Ah! Kagome. If only her soul could live in a way like the soul of the Miko Kikyou did. All those years of troubles, tragedy, and unrest—only to finally tae revenge… to seek after her lover from beyond the grave—and finally be reborn to live everything as it was to be so again… where everything could go as it _should. As it was **meant** to proceed._

Perhaps Lady Heikeia-hime, and Lady Aki-san where in truth where really the tendou, sent to her from the Gods… perhaps they where pitying of the poor mortal girl… the foolish girl that had loved her Lord… her—Youkai—**_DEMON_**—Lord. One that was said to be incapable of mercy, and love—both to incomparable standards, and heights. He was Sesshoumaru—Inu no Taishou… the feared… the respected… the honored… the—**_Immortal_**. She hated 'immortal', almost more than she hated her mortality. It was everything that she herself could not be… but, then again—

Perhaps there was still a way with everything. After all… she was yet only ten and five… and she still held pray that there was while yet for her to live. Maybe… maybe the tendou knew a way for her to live… and perhaps… perhaps there was a way for her to find him again—find him, but never let him know. Watch him, but never let him see. Want him—but never have him. If this was all the way that she could _touch_ him… through this invisible barrier, then—it was everything that she would ever need—ever want—ever desire—ever lust for. He WAS everything.

And then…

The jinrikisha man came to a halt… and she gazed upon the shiro for the first time in her life… and within the grand gates, sitting near a garden, she met _him_ for the first time… and _he _was there… while **_he_** was not.

…_then she was faced with the shame…_

She was alone… and she was naïve. She was lonely, and he was there to comfort her. He was charming, and beautiful… she was distressed, and pretty. She was taken in as the daughter of a barren Hime… unwed, and unable to bear children. He was a powerful Daimyou Lord, wealthy, and pristine. He had everything he wanted… except her—something he was yet determined to take… and she was confused, and willing to give. She needed comfort, and he offered it. She needed warmth, and he embraced her. She needed attention, and he seduced her. She needed love, and he left her.

Her memories of the young Lord only served to haunt her. Nobody beyond herself could ever know. It was nothing lasting… it had only happened once. He had left her with the beginnings of his child… but he had directed her to _kill it_ by the means of ancient potions. _He had claimed that it would bring the Hime—her Mother, ruin… disgrace. _Although… her Mother had done nearly the same… bedded several men… passionately, and many time over had taken with them in the throws of passion—sounding so clearly through the ancient walls of wood and stone of the shiro.

Every moment with him was like… sweet vinegar. It was pleasant, and then it was bitter. He had brought her many, many _bitter tears_. She should NOT have aborted of their unborn child. It would have been an heir to the line of Lady Heikeia-hime. If it was a male—it would have been required of _HIM_ that he marry her, or face loss of honor, and death. It was a sin to impregnate a woman, who would give birth to a son without Father. Only dark, hideous things such as the demons kept it in such ill practice in such ways—believing that to reproduce was to bestow their gift to the female—allowing her a child to eventually care for her, in their absence, while they might lie with any other woman they pleased. _Such things where nasty, dirty, **foul**, creatures to **rid** of._

He would have been _forced_ by his OWN LAWS of the narrow-minded mortals to such ways. She herself preferred the demon traditions… if only Sesshoumaru would have given her _his_ child… then she could be protected for always by one of _**HIS **kind_. But… Sesshoumaru would never do that. Sesshoumaru was _honorable._ Sesshoumaru believed in _honor_ above all things. In fact… it was said in the shadows, of lurking rumor, that she had heard proclaimed by a passing hanyou that had certain connections to Youkai… that it was supposed Sesshoumaru very well could be still without loss of his own virginity. It was highly intriguing… that he saw none after all his centuries—_none to be his equal—deserving of his body, not what it had to offer._

Or… it was also said… that he was supposed to have had a son, once before, but the child was hanyou, and he killed it. He could not permit the plain sign of _dishonor_ that stained his reputation… but—she reminded herself… _it was all nothing more than rumors spread far and wide… nothing more than 'talk', passed on for the short lived, and pettish entertainment of the **humans**._ The short lived ways of the mortals… and their repulsive antics that they followed.

Her Lord would never stoop as low as to bed in a human, now would he!—but… then why was it that he seemed to needy—that once. She was certain that he had pulled away for fear of her young age… but, other words and actions from him had proved otherwise.

'—_Rin… leave now!—don't ask any questions! Go! Never return!'_ it had been what he had commanded her… he had wished it among other things… '_Rin… leave now, or **I** will KILL YOU.'_ He had **_wanted_** her to leave him. It could only have been—_Oh Sesshoumaru! _He had a child… and he had… killed it? Like she had done…? For what, for—honor? The one thing that had driven this entire dynasty to it's current stare of utter chaos, and futility? Samurai taking their **OWN** lives, simply for nothing more than **_HONOR!_ **Nothing more than HONOR was the horrendous reason behind the deaths, and the downfall of so many peoples, and villages?

She should have been stronger… but she couldn't help it. She was weak. She was weak because he had left her that way. He had _Always been her strength…_ even when she was certain that he would never want to admit to such a thing… but, she was older… somewhat wiser—now that everything had already happened to her. There was no turning back. Of course… no one but she would ever know that she had lost her virginity. It was an impossible thing to tell, in truth.

Perhaps her Lord would be one to know. If it was at all possible to tell, he would be the first to know. But… that wasn't a concern. She would never see him again. He had told her never to return. _Run… go… don't ask questions… go… and never return… _those where the words that she found herself living by. Not a day passed that she didn't remember those last few words he had spoken to her. Perhaps someday in the far future, he would find something that made him perhaps recollect over the mortal girl he once traveled with… and perhaps maybe he would seek her out… only to find that she had died a hundred years before, but—he wouldn't have even noticed the difference in time—his progressed so much sooner. His lifespan was endless compared to the short, minute her existence spanned.

Everything was so meaningless anymore. She had killed her own child—a love child not to mention. An awful thing that the Father of her unborn child had decided it was best to return back to him shiro. A fatal mistake. Apparently there had been an assassinator lurking along the way for him. Someone who held jealousy for his involvement with her—Lady Rin-hime; daughter of Lady Heikeia-hime. She had unknowingly caught the eye of many a men, and was not scarce for suitors. There where guests nearly ever week, and all of them mysteriously where men… all claiming to love her more than words could express… but, that only arose to the thoughts of suspicion. Did not her Lady Heikeia have the most wealthy territories, and lands in Yashima? Toukaidou proved to be the most powerful empire in the dominion.

The amounts of attacks from youkai, and oni where decreasing steadily in the region… and Heikeia-sama was becoming increasingly powerful. Her army of samurai, and warriors was of a very intimidating number, all proven loyals—many bearing many battle scars, as mementos of their dedication to their Lady. The only men without some sort of battle acquired scar, or injury where the new, young men—mostly all sons of the already dedicated samurai, and warriors. It served as a family tradition to most of the men… but, it was becoming more of an honor. Without the fear of threats… the need for more warriors was seemingly scarce, and with the already exorbitant amounts of gold, and other means of pay for their honor, and dedication…

Yes… everything was becoming suspicious… _conspicuous…_ and she was finding ways to become more stealthy with her observations. She was able to find out certain bits of information, simply from going places that others thought not to go, and from prodding areas that others dared not to venture. She had her ways… and Heikeia was very pleased with her choice of an heir. She had always known that she would in the end pass on her steadily building, and power craving empire to another not of her bloodline… but, she was certain, that Rin was the closest thing to her own blood she had ever known.

From that little child lost in the forest… from the ride on the floorboard of the jinrikisha. Now she was an elegant lady, refined in her mannerisms, and ways. The first thing to change was the self referations in third person. She was absolutely _forbidden _to call herself as such. Proper patterns of speech where taught, and she had been a quick learner in reading, and writing in the Kanji, and Kana. She seemed to have a rather precise memory; able to absorb things and almost never forget them… but the poor girl… it could very well be her downfall. She seemed to always speak of a 'Lord Sesshoumaru', whom if she herself—Heikeia, knew anything… this Sesshoumaru-sama was none other than the son of the Inu no Taishou, Lord Touga. How this mere girl came in contact with such a monster as _that _Sesshoumaru proved to be… was a mystery. Rin didn't like to talk about what she thought of him much.

The only recollections that she shared where of the last few words he spoke to her, but no sense could really be made of them. It was said as if the demon Lord had almost been passionate in one minute, and deadly in the next—but that was the thing with youkai. They where **_always deadly_**. They where never to be underestimated… and certainly; if this was whom Rin spoke of—**_Lord Sesshoumaru-sama no less_**!

But… yes, the girl Rin was the epitome of feminine beauty. With the fine things that wealth provided her, and the etiquette, and refinement that she had been subjected to—**any** male of **ANY** relevance was attracted to her, in the most passionate of ways. And unfortunately, the married men where include among that, more so than not. Many a men had tried to woo her, but she would give them a sad smile, and refuse every time. It seemed as though the last time she had taken interest in a man, was shortly after she had been brought to the shiro, in the lands of Toukaidou. There was that young man—the very attractive one. He had a way with women, but he too seemed drawn to the girl. It was an interesting thought to surface over… what had truthfully conspired between the two… Rin and that young man Iehide, Akiie.

He was charming, handsome, and a skilled swordsman… as well as being a Daimyou Lord… a Shougun. He was rather ruthless beneath the surface, and had a wicked temper… but, Rin had fallen for him—or, perhaps it was her inexperience that made him so appealing? Rin had thought her secret had gone unnoticed… but all the maids, and servants knew of her loss of virginity at ten and six. She allowed herself to be taken by him, and he had given her his child—which he ordered be aborted. She had used a variety of different herbs, which she drunk in teas, and soaked of in a bath. One of the main ingredients being ginseng. And much to the girl's inexperience… some of the herbs she had been caught with where _only used_ to rid a Mother of an illegitimate child, which led to the suspicion of the servants… who, saw their rightful duty as to inform their lady Heikeia of…

Her secret was know, but it was strictly forbidden to be mentioned by those that **_did_** know if such a thing. If it _was_ found to have been mentioned, then, the one in responsibility in doing so was to promptly have their tongue cut out from their mouth. Scandal was looked over in every aspect, and then carefully manipulated, so that it would be in the girl Rin's favor. It would be ruin to have a secret spread while the girl was yet to have a husband… and to produce a future heir for their expanding empire.

The girl had become the center of attention in the ladies courts… and she had befriended three of them, especially. Hanako, Keiko, and the more sophisticated of the two being her closer friend, with whom she shared a great deal of her deepest thoughts, longings, and secrets with… Lady Takenara. They had not started out quite as pleasantly. Lady Takenara had found it to be most insulting that Lady Heikeia-hime would chose a lowly urchin girl as her heir, as opposed to she; herself. She was the refined lady of the court… long known for her elegant ways, wit, and refinement… and _then comes the street urchin…_

She had been most unwilling to call Rin as a lady, but… once said, and accepted… Takenara was taken by the girl, three years her junior, whom she had created quite a bond with—one not to be broken. Rin shared her thoughts on a daily basis as more of a ritual than else. It was a saddening thought to Rin, but… Takenara was soon to be wed to a young Lord from a separate island… far away, and supposedly somewhat unsettled and exotic. The people there where of a different race, or so it was said—and ate nearly anything. _Something that Takenara herself would not allow, nor indulge in. It was a revolting thought in truth…_

It was the final day perhaps that they would see each other, and all four of the ladies where content to enjoy the last few rays of the summer sun, before the soon approaching autumn would come, and turn the air to a chill. They all rested among the gardens, with their parasols, and their most elegant courtesan kimono, and their faces lightly powdered… lips painted slightly in the rose shade. Takenara had divulged to them all that she planned to overturn all of the culinary preferences there, at this new place she was to be lady over. Insisting upon the fact that there was _**something wrong with the thought of eating an octopus**... _especially after considering that the legs would _undoubtedly_ stick to something internal… due to those _nasty_ suctions…

She smiled as she listened through… her mind constantly fading through one realm to the next—the past, and the present. It was so hard to concentrate. Her lover had been killed, and her love had spoken of killing her. She had been saved on a whim to live a life of sorrows… of beautiful sorrows. _What good could such fineries be to her without knowing that there would someday be one to love her… to treat her as though **SHE** where the finery…?_ Could she ever experience the joys, and the tears that Takenara would in only one day longer?

And then she could feel the hair on the back of her neck stand… there was an intense presence lurking about… watching her. _A very powerful, commanding presence that wanted her attention in some way… _a presence that could only be compared to that of—no. Things in that manor where impossible. He would _never_ return for her. He did **not** express the same passion in her as she so blindly thought that there was—somewhere within his heart.

_But who was she to judge the heart of one as great as he? _She was nothing.

She felt herself become weak… her stomach became nothing more than thin paper, filled with butterflies. This feeling… of… being out of breath—in despair, and exhilarated… weak, yet strong—susceptible, yet resistant. Of hate, and of love, of need and of lust. It was everything for as long as she could remember. That was the overwhelming emotion that would always fill her at every moment… every moment when she was with him—Sesshoumaru. But… it was not possible… hadn't he made himself clear? And… even if he _did _come for her, in some way… she could never leave Toukaidou… not after all she had placed into this. **_THIS_** was her **LIFE**. Everything she had in the world was here.

Sesshoumaru had left her four years ago. Had left her all this time. She was only one year from her Twentieth year. She was a woman… she was elegant, and refined. She could no longer roam the countryside of Yashima following after the heels of a demon Lord…! She had her _own_ people to care after… so command… to have follow after **_HER_** heels. She could never go back to Sesshoumaru… ever.

She excused herself. She could feel his golden eyes gazing into her very soul. _What is it you see, Sesshoumaru-sama?_ She wondered to herself. _Am I truly so despicable that you have to look this long to recognize it as me? Aa. A Dog never forgets a companion… but… have I really changed all that much, my Lord? Have I haunted your very thoughts like you have mine…?_ If only…

Her friends all expressed their deep concern for her health. As long as they had known her… her health had been so frail… she had been **_so weakened_**. Whatever her ailment… only Takenara knew for certain what it was that truly affected her… but, to all others, it was a puzzlement. Rin was beautiful, and strong mentally… but physically… though beautiful—she neglected herself. She would at times reuse to eat, nor drink… fasting for inconceivable lengths of time. She had attempted once before—and although it had never been a repeated occurrence—to take her own life.

They could only hope that this was not again another beginning of her deep depressions. It was so difficult to stir her from them, and with Takenara's soon departure… things might only become worse. They all watched in confusion, and worry as she walked back toward the Shiro. Perhaps she was feeling unwell? The girl needed to eat more. She was withering away to nothing right before their eyes… but, you could not force the future Hime of the Shiro to eat what she refused.

* * *

She knew that he **wanted** her to feel his presence. He **_wanted_** her to know where he was… and that he was watching her. She **could** feel him… and she **_did_** know that he was there… and he knew that as well. Perhaps if she could make it within the Shiro before he knew her intentions… then, he would leave, and not come within a distance where others might recognize his dark, powerful aura. He wouldn't attempt such foolish things. _But… he **could** conceal his aura, if he chose… so then—why did he allow her to know? Perhaps he truly **DID** want her to know of him… _

Perhaps he thought to come and steal her away from Toukaidou…? Well… she wouldn't allow it! He had wanted to kill her! She could not imagine anything good coming from an encounter with him. She hung her head in despair, and shame. _If he ever was to find out that the girl that he had brought back from the dead had lost her virginity to a Shougun… he would kill her. Daimyou, and Shogun **hated** youkai with a passion… and she had lain with one. She had given herself to one. She had **opened herself** for one. _Everything that was once pure about her was now ruined. Shame, and horror… sadness. Those where the only things she could feel in her body. She was entirely numb.

She felt a shift in the atmosphere, and shivered, trying to hurry her pace, to somewhat of a run. It was useless trying to escape him… but, perhaps she could make it to the gate before he found her—perhaps—

And there he stood before her… not the least difference since the last moment she had seen him… _except…_ where she was certain that his arm had once been entirely missing… below the edge of his sleeve, she could see a few clawed fingers, clearly his own. _So… he had recovered in her absence… it was only natural. _He was a demon. He **would** be in a better position now, as opposed to where he was **_then_**. It had all changed. He had changed, she had changed. They never should look upon each other again… it only made things more difficult for her.

She dared not raise her shamefully, and sadly bowed head, and look him in his eyes—and she was no longer required to do such. She was no longer subject to him. She was of high status… a Hime. She could keep her head bowed as long as she saw fit—which was just as long as it would take for her to find a way past him, without having to acknowledge him any further—lest her heart tear to shreds…

She could feel his eyes searching her. He was… concerned? About what? It would **_definitely_** be a simpler thing to run from him. Though she did not raise her head, she did pause, and bowed as far as her obi would allow her. And she whispered through a pained voice… "…Ohayougozaimasu, Sesshoumaru-sama." …respectfully, as she tried her best to slip past him, but her attempt was to no avail, as he caught the sleeve of her kimono in his hand. "Rin, why are you afraid of this Sesshoumaru?" She quickly looked at him from the corner of her eye, but averted her gaze just as suddenly. "Yurushi, onegaiitashimasu!" She said, in a pleading voice, as she struggled to free herself nearly frantically from his grasp.

Her heart was pounding frantically in her chest. _She knew that she should have never looked at his eyes!_ The moment she did, she felt her heart ache… and her stomach became raw… breathing was painful, and labored. Her panic set in… _No! No! I cannot let this happen! I cannot! _She could feel that he seemed troubled… perplexed at her, but… what could she do? She was a lady… he had no rights to restrain her! It was tearing her apart… being so close to him… _he had come for her…_ but she knew that it could never be. Everything he was, this defied. It would be his end, as well as hers. It would be a torment to both their souls if they where to once again try to mend the torn seams where their time had been cut.

She heard him breathing heavily, struggling with her, as she thrashed. _He was trying so carefully to both restrain her, and cause her no fear, nor harm… but she could not help but be frightened. He had scared her to her heart… four years ago._ The wounds of time where deep. Whether or not time could heal all wounds… it could very well take all of what time had to offer her, to heal the very wounds that she was suffering from.

He caught her with both his arms, and pulled her tightly to him, and looked down into her dark eyes that where pooled with tears. His heart ached for her… "Rin! Listen! This Sesshoumaru has not come to bring you harm…!" He said to her, barely expressing the pain he himself felt. She knew that **he** knewthat she had been broken that night… those four years ago. Nothing would ever be the same for her. She knew in her heart that he could understand why she was rejecting him. _After all, it is what he had done to her… all those years past. _She knew that they _needed _one another… and it had taken her this long to realize how much what was missing… was tearing her down.

Through her dark, tear laced eyelashes, she looked up at him, and cried. Cried for all those moments she had been without him. Cried for all those moments that she had thought of what he had said to her… everyday for _four long years…_ everyday that her heart ached to see him just once again… just once…

She collapsed against him, and he pulled her to him, embracing the one thing he had needed more than anything.

* * *

_**The End Of Prelude…**_

_**

* * *

**_

----------------------------------------

** Glossary:**

----------------------------------------

**iiya motto moshiyou** – no more words

**ningen** – human

**ohayougozaimasu** – good morning

**yurushi, onegaiitashimasu!** – please forgive me!

**yukata** – summer kimono (sometimes used as sleeping attire)

**aa, shikatanonai!** – it's no use!

**jinrikisha** – a cart used for transportation in asia, pulled by a man

**daijoubu desu ka?** – are you alright?

**aa. shiranai. onegaiitashimasu… dokoira atashi gozen**?

– yes. I don't know… please could you tell me where I am?

(Rin is very confused…)

**youkai **– ghost/apparition/specter

**hanyou** – half youkai

**oni** – demon

**shiro **– castle

**toukaidou** – in this case, toukaidou is the name of

Lady Heikeia's lands/empire… but, in reality it is the

REAL name of the ancient kyouto/edou highway ; )

* * *

Anything that I forgot that you want to know? E-mail me! You will find my e-mail address at my webpage... and I am also on MediaMiner... the version of this fiction there will be **VERY RAW**! - ; )

* * *

**A/N: **

I want to thank all of you for reading this! I know… major drama! Haha! Oi… I poured the better part of a week into this chapter. I have ideas, and they come and go… although, for this fiction… I know EXACTLY where I am going with it! Haha! Writer's block will only come if I don't know how to phrase a sentence… or if I don't know what I want them to say… but, the story line is all figured!

So… let me know if this is something I should continue with! ; )

Loves ya!

—S. I.

* * *

**2005. 09. 30 – 7,087 Words**


	2. Chapter One: Demons Of The Past

**A/N: **

Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews on the last chapter! I am flattered! ; ) I am a new author to this particular pairing… although it is my favorite. The other experiences I have had with writing fan fiction has all been in KagSess… the dreaded pairing from hell. I am such a hypocrite though… KagSess… was like… the only thing I wrote… even though I hated it. It is all because I love the site format of A Single Spark… and I love the reviewers there! Always so kind, and open… and I love the way that I get reviews in my e-mail inbox! Makes things soooo simple…! Haha!

Moving on…

For the reviewers on alright, I am going to reply to those of you that have asked questions so far, and to the rest of you, all of your reviews are GREATLY APPRECIATED! ;)

**Freaky Krazer:** No, I am not Japanese, I am part **Mongolian** and I live in the United States, but my Mongolian bloodlines are not running very heavily through me, so… I regret to say, I don't look Asian either! ;)

As far as Gozen… yes, I understand that it means morning, but, it IS the morning in this scenario! ;) Thank you for your input though! ;) (I do speak some Japanese, just so that all of you don't think I am writing gibberish:)

**Wolf-Inu-Yasha1235:** No! truly you misunderstand me! I appreciated your critique, because it made me re-think a few things! Haha! ;) You thinking that what I wrote sucked, just basically let me know that you are a refined reader, and that I need to refine my writing! Thanks:)

**Sesshoumarubride:** Thank-you for that! ;) I appreciate the fact that you truly are enjoying this! I write on 50/50 parts… one half is for self enjoyment in jotting down my thoughts, and the other half is sincere love of pleasing other people by the odd thoughts, and quirks of my mind! ;)

**Firestorm-244:** I think I fixed the problem. I switched the stuff on my profile around so that visitors can review just the same! ;) Yayness for me! Haha! And as far as the beta-reader thing goes… I am lacking in people who like the Rin/Sess romantic pairing, unfortunately. Would anyone be interested in beta-ing for me? I would really love a volunteer! And—you get to read everything FIRST, along with me telling you all kinds of ideas that I have, and whoever becomes my beta can place input into the fiction as well! Multiple betas would be awesome, actually. :) Haha!

**Aura-serenity4:** Aw! Well, I appreciate it! Just so that I understand… what do you mean by 'dry'? I am desperately trying to improve… but, I think Anton Chekhov's writing style is rubbing off on me… oh sigh… LOL! ;)

For the reviewers on Mediaminer:

WOW! Thank-you ever so much! I thought that I would never get the first review there, but you have come through for me! Thank you! ;)

**Thank you to all that reviewed, and I hope that this chapter is NOT a let down! **:)

Anyway… so here I am again… back on with another chapter! **wink, wink!**

—S. I.

**Iiya Motto Moshiyou: No More Words**

**Chapter One – Demons Of The Past**

"_With desire, the world is tied down. With the subduing of desire, it is freed._

_With the abandoning of desire… all bonds are cut through." _

—Iccha Sutta

She breathed in deeply… inhaling everything. She could almost sense his power from his overwhelming scent. It was dark, and strong… powerful, and somehow… weak. It was if though he was somehow deeply distressed in some way or another… and to her, it was a refreshing breath to take in of. _Oh… how she loved him…! Even after all the years of knowing that he **hated **her. **Hated **her very kind. **Hated **her very existence. _She was nothing more than a 'thing'. She was not real to him… not something considered to have… 'feeling…' but… she _had_ feeling. And… there was nothing more pleasant than _'feeling'_ him embracing her so strongly in his arms… and all the pleasant memories she had and the memory…'_—Rin… leave now!—don't ask any questions! Go! Never return!'_… It was all too real.

She struggled against him, and her heart sunk at his expression of turmoil, and misunderstandings. The only thing that she could utter was… "No…" He looked at her confused… perplexed… beside himself. _What?_ "No…" she repeated. "…This can never be—you and I. You **_hate_** me… need I remind you, and you would have **_killed_** me, had I dared seek your face again. _You **told** me… **NEVER** _to return again…! These things have not left me… I shall **_always_** remember." She said in a shaky voice, that barely held back her tears. Covering her face with her fan, she tried to walk past him… dismiss him… _**forget** _him.

He would not be forgotten quite so easily though. "_Rin…"_ No, she thought. No. "_Rin… listen to me…"_ No. I will not listen. I can't. _"Rin… listen to me… you must understand what has happened…" _No… I don't want to hear anymore—everything has already been hard enough…! She tried to ignore him. She had managed to walk past him… and he didn't so much as try to stop her… but, he was clearly at loss over what to do. She could hear his footsteps following her close behind, as she ran through the forest, along the cobblestone path. _If only she could reach the gates before he dared catch her again… she could force him into leaving… if she could warn Heikeia-hime… _then the Hime could send the gunryou after him. Perhaps he would leave her to be. _She was dying inside as long as she saw that he was there. _**He was killing her**.

Didn't he know what he was doing—by following her? By calling her, and trying uselessly to explain everything that could not be explained? _He never was the kind to be very open with words. He never dared say any more than was the most level of necessary—but now—he was trying uselessly to explain to her… _didn't he know that her heart was no more penetratable than that of a stone? Everything she had once been was no more. She was now a _**Lady**. _It was her responsibility to care for her people… and to make certain that Lady Heikeia-hime was served to the utmost best of her own personal capabilities. Lady Heikeia would die soon… she was infected with a most highly fatal disease… not to mention entirely contagious. Even she herself was at risk of catching such a thing… but, her Lady remained in her quarters most of the time. Only she, herself—and Lady Heikeia's most trusted, and honorable lady in waiting, Aki-san, was allowed into the presence of her chambers, from fear of contamination.

She herself, had learned to play the bamboo flute, for the amusement of Lady Heikeia-hime… her Mother. She had been raised for four years by the woman, and the greater portion of her heart was bound within them to the woman that had taken her in as her own from nothing. In that way—Heikeia-hime, and Sesshoumaru-sama where very similar. They had both taken her in from nothing—and made her into _something_—except, the difference was, Lady Heikeia **could** accept her for her mortality, and would _not_ turn her away… whereas Sesshoumaru-sama already **_had_** done such things. They where different, and alike at the very same. Lady Heikeia was very young still, and could have lived another twenty years, where she not plagued by her disease. Lady Heikeia had only recently been declared twenty and seven… whereas she herself—was ten and nine. Aki-san was older than Lady Heikeia, but she was the most respectful, and loyal of all the ladies. In the eyes of Heikeia-hime, Aki-san was her dearest sister, and for that reason alone… Rin could offer her nothing but the same affection.

And yet… he still followed, calling her name with the slightest tone of desperation. He didn't force her to acknowledge him… but, it was evident—her lack of response had indeed effected him. _He was desperate._ Her heart cried out to answer him… but, she knew what would come of it. _**Sorrow**… **longing**… **desperation**… _and further tragedy. There had already been so much—and her heart was not strong enough for more. _Kami… _she wished that he had died long ago. **_She wished SHE had died long ago_**... in those eerie woods, surrounding her village. Had the wolves killed her, and had she have never dared find that demon, drained of all strength—leaning against the tree… unnourished, and weak… vicious, and yet understanding. _Where they at all **so** very different?_ No… they where very much the same.

They where both without the love, and compassion that was so rightfully within what they deserved. They had been stripped of everything that their hearts longed for. _**But**, _when he had given her everything she desired…**_ he had taken it from her_**. There where no more fantasies of wandering the world over—venturing to the continent, and ruling along side him as he conquered Yashima, and Nicchuukan'etsu. Lord Sesshoumaru would undoubtedly manage to do just that without her. _What was she really there for, anyhow? _He had indeed done her a favor by sending her away. She had found all of **THIS**. Lady Heikeia-hime, and Lady Aki-san… and now **she**, **herself** was a Hime, and a holder of great power, wealth, and not to mention, her high-esteemed influence that she held.

"Please Leave, Wagakimi…" she whispered sadly as she ran. _He would hear her…_ "…please my Lord… let me alone." _No… she didn't want that—not really. Not after embracing him like that. It was too much. Everything she had ever wanted was **waiting**…_ but, no. She **_DID_** want that. _He **HAD** to go. _Memories of the past where a thing to be forgotten. Idle memoirs where something to be burned. _Tear the pages away, and they will be gone._ But… wait, what _DID_ happen to the pages once they where torn, and tossed into the wind? They do not cease to exist, simply in that moment for the reason of being dismissed… but, in truth—the truth is: there would be someone **else** there to collect the pages. _But… those where **her** pages._ She didn't want someone else to have **her** pages. The memories that she held where for her alone. It was **_hers_** to keep. She didn't **_want_** Sesshoumaru to leave. He was **_hers_**… just as where the pages, and the memories… the memoirs. She wanted like everything to simply turn around, and to clutch to him forever.

He was everything that she had wanted forever… and she was dismissing it. No… **_ordering_** it to disappear. To **leave**. Soon her pages would come to an end. _Soon the paper would become dampened by the tears of regret, and they would wash away the words of ink_. Life was short and frail. What would it matter if she did not want to continue this dynasty for Heikeia-sama? Perhaps… perhaps there was really a different purpose into which her life could serve. _Perhaps…_ **no**. Her fate was sealed. It was all sealed when **_he wanted her to go_**. She could learn to forgive… but, _never could she forget._ The pain that she had felt at that moment… she still suffered through. It was agonizing anguish that bled through her heart like poisoned needles. Toukaidou is was now her home. Life lived by barefooted female children, who aimlessly, and blindly followed a ruthless youkai Lord, was something of the past.

He would not have recognized her… _with her delicately colored lips, finely perfumed, dark hair, to her lavishly seamed, and embroidered silks, nor the skilled crafting of her wooden soled kutsu_. It was by mere scent that she was known to him. There was nothing the same. Her blood felt too warm for her veins. Her skin felt as if it where melting away from the bone, and right as her fingers wrapped themselves around the wooden handle of the gate entrance—she paused, and turned to face him. He stilled, merely _one_ step from her. _And he wanted so desperately to close in on that step—like he had done only moments ago, when she spoke—_ "Lord Sesshoumaru… tell me now, why did you come?" and through she expected the answer to never arise to the tip of his tongue— he spoke. "_I came because I had to. I came because I wanted to. I came because it **is** time."_ She wanted to speak to him—to ask him _what was time…_ but, the words would never arise… and he had already vanished, receding into from which he had come.

She walked slowly through the halls of the shiro. Her eyes where hollow, and she appeared as if caught in the snares of a trance. Her hair had fallen from it's combs, and fell over her shoulders, and drug on the floor as she stepped. The sounds of her geta clicked on the polished floors as she drift toward her Lady's room.

Lifelessly she lifted her frail arm, and knocked her fist into the wall adjacent to the thin paper, and bamboo shouji. "..Mother…, My-my Lady…?" she asked quietly, hearing a cough from behind. "..Is that you, Rin?" a somewhat strained voice asked, calling to her. "Yes..", "Aa. Well, please…" "…please do come in. There is no need for ceremony, Rin. You know that." The answer came quietly. "Hn." She said with a smile dancing across her lips, as she hung her head in a lull amusement. She gently slid past the screen, and entered into Lady Heikeia's uncharacteristically darkened chambers.

A single wick, burning in a lantern, with it's vat of remaining oil, was the only source of light. The drapes where drawn tightly closed, and it was difficult to see clearly through the space. "Rin, I must speak with you—I am glad you came. I was considering… _considering_ sending Lady Aki, out after you—but, she reminded me of the departure of Lady Takenara, and I so did not wish for you to be unsatisfied with the remaining hours that you where able to spend in her presence, but—for this, I make amends. I shall be _honored_ to allow you in visiting to her—at your own whim, or fancy!—erm, with an escort, of course… but, to the point—" she managed to breath out quickly, with a racking cough at the end, "—I believe that it is about time that I announce **_officially_** your standings as the new Hime-sama, and Mistress, but… alas, I shall have Aki-san annunciate my final wishes in this manor, as I am too weak to lift myself. _I **do** believe that this ILLNESS has increased over the last hour._" She added.

Rin's heart twisted painfully in her chest. If her lady was to pass on to the next realm, then—she herself would be left as the lady of the shiro… and, it was an altogether frightening thought—even thought she had already yet determined that she would not abandon her responsibility to a woman nor the people, who had given her so much. _They had asked so little of her…_ and as lady, she would be truly a powerful figure. _But, her true reasons in coming to her Mother where more centered in the direction of her need to discuss Sesshoumaru, _**this** was simply not something expected to be the subject discussed.

"…My Lady… my, Mother… I am speechless at your declaration, but please _do_ try to withstand this! I—I am not ready yet to care over Toukaidou as do you," she whispered somewhat apprehensive. Her lady frowned. "Do you think all can wait until one is **_ready_**? The moon will not rise into the noon sky simply because one is _ready_, and the sun will not set a minute later, nor rise a minute sooner, simply because one is **_ready_**." "Do not be a fool and assume such things are possible in other circumstances. There is a time in which everything **_must_** happen, and in this everlasting evolution in which things will occur… no one is **_ever_** ready. Rin…, if anyone could ever be capable of readying themselves for such things… _I have not the slightest doubt that it would be you._ Do not fear yourself… the inevitable, nor fate at destiny's path. It all leads to the _right_ place in it's own time." Rin closed her eyes in reflection, allowing her Lady's words to sink in to their fullest.

_She is right… I can not depend upon someone forever… but then again, it will be so hollow without that luxury. It has always been there, hasn't it…?_

It was a sobering thought. Yes… there was once a man… a man that allowed her everything. Whether be comfort, or security… and assurance. _She had never been without such things before…_ was she being a fool to assume that all would remain as it was forever? Could she _really_ accept everything as it came—without the slightest preparations for her readiness? Would her lady Heikeia really pass on so soon? Would the only Mother she possessed in clear recollection _be taken_ from her like this? In such a violent manor…

"No—my lady, please—!" she concluded in a broken cry. "…please do not leave me," the flame flickered across the vat, and the single light gently played across the shadows of her lamented face. "I don't know what I would do… what I would—become," she shook her head in vague apprehension… "with lady Takenara so soon to be gone—she is the only one that **_truly_** knows… my darkest moments of the heart, and what I feel—it's so much. What—what is to become of me, without you?" Her face became desperate, and Lady Heikeia's composed façade diminished into bitter sorrow, and a tragic look of helplessness. "Really—there is nothing I can do now, Rin! If really there was—I would have already! I have had a healer come, and even a sorceress has come in an attempt to create a life-giving elixir… but, there is no way—I am—afraid, that… this illness in which I possess has taken the strength out of me—but the gods have allowed me to know—it now resides in you! Your soul will guide you through this! Use my strength while I am without! I give it to you—Hime-sama…"

Lady Heikeia sighed long and sadly. Her strength lost from her, and her voice gone. Rin bowed her head, and cried silently. Aki-san grasped her firmly by the shoulders, and whispered into her ear… "Surely you must have known this would happen one day, my Lady. She has been so weak—this illness has destroyed her. It will take you too, unless you are removed from these chambers—I urge you to hasten in your departure! You must leave the shiro in good time for the disease to pass… or else—" the words began to fade from her mind, and the room fell silent to her ears. _Leave lady Heikeia? Never. _She could never leave. Never. She would stay by her Lady's side forever. _Just as she had promised to stay by **his** side forever… _this promise she _**must** _keep to her Lady. _Her Mother._

Aki-san shook her again roughly by her shoulders… "…my Lady, have you been listening? Oh my Lady, are you feeling quite well? I must get you to a clean location… I do believe this illness has gotten to your weak body already. Oh, gods…"

It wasn't the truth—it wasn't. Everything was happening _so fast_… **too fast**. She hadn't time to keep up with them… _please don't leave me behind…_ not enough time to make everything right. Everything was yet to be certain—she was not yet ready! Her lady did not know of her defilation… of her _fatal_ sin which she had committed against Buddha, and Toukaidou. They didn't know of _him_. That she was loved by _him_. The great son of the Dog General… **_Sesshoumaru_**. Only _she_ knew… and she would be gone soon. Then everything was lost. All her truest secrets… all of her heart loves. All of everything that mattered—it was _leaving_ her.

Was it all ever to return?

Could life be prolonged, even if through death? Perhaps… Buddha did mention reincarnations, and it was a strong belief among the religion. The Dalai Lama had made it quite clear that life _was_ indeed prolonged far after the mortality of death. There _was_ no mortality. All would _live_, even if only by living in death. Her Lady would never reach the end… she would be the spirit to guide her through the darkness… she would guide her through the depths and sorrows of her heart—though it be torn…

**_He_** was tearing apart her very heart from her chest. _He was doing this to her_. All for what, though? For the dark satisfaction that he **knew** what it was doing her weakened soul? Her body was so very frail now… and it was probably true—her contact with Lady Heikeia was most likely putting her to the edge of her withstanding it. _It was slowly getting to her_… it would slowly eat her away. But, then she too could be what her Lady was to become—that specter—that apparition spirit that could dwell in the walls of this most ancient shiro… and she could drift with the wind, and **_watch_** him, as he drift through the centuries of time, as though he where lingering in a day. _She too could linger forever in that day…_ she could be with him forever.

As well as her Lady.

Ah, the life in death seemed pleasant as a spring flower—it's petals enticing one to indulge into it's heady fragrance. _So pleasant was the dream that came forth from it's heart—of a utopia awaiting. _Her Shangri-La… was in—death? It wasn't always this way. It was once so **_very_** different. Everything had it's limitations—but before, she never would have recognized that this new revelation was so soon in it's coming. It was truly the revelation of those on the stairway to death. The land of the lost spirits, who dwelt forever in wonder… looking for that **one** thing that they had been missing for so long…

Searching…

…_she didn't want to wait her life searching for what she knew it was she wanted so badly…_

And there he was. He had **_finally_** come for her. He _wanted—needed—_her. And she **wanted** him to want—to need—her. And yet, she couldn't help the shaky, uneven breaths she drew in to her heaving chest, as Aki-san helped her to her chambers. She was leant against the shouji to catch her breath, as Aki-san parted from her, to pour her some warmed _sake_. She coughed, and slowly slid down the solid structure. Her body gave out in it's self, as Aki-san hummed gently to herself, warming the _sake_ over the torrid, glowing red stones that had been pulled from the fire. _She didn't notice the look of despair written clearly over her young Lady's face, as she sank to the floor. Her face was away from the sight—she did not know. _Nor did the maidservant who sat quietly reading near the entrance of the chambers…

But—

To whom it did _not_ go unnoticed by, was torn to shreds by the horrifying knowledge that was bestowed upon him… the knowledge only **_he_** was aware of… as the silver sheath at his hip pulsed violently, from the wake his angry _tou_, as it sensed the diminishing light from the soul of the girl it had sought out once before.

_**End Of Chapter One…**_

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**Glossary:**

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**yashima** – ancient name for japan

**nicchuukan'etsu** – ancient name for china

**ningen** – human

**oni** – demon

**wagakimi** – my lord

**youkai **– ghost/apparition/specter

**shiro **– castle

**kutsu** – shoes

**geta** – japanese wooden clogs

**gunryou** – army/soldiers

**tou** – sword blade

**toukaidou** – the name of Lady Heikeia's lands/empire

**A/N:**

Well, well… I wanted to address something; although Takahashi Rumiko herself has never _precisely_ declared to all of us obsessed, and fanatical fans Sesshoumaru's_ exact_ age… in the manga, or the anime, I am reminded of a circumstance where Inuyasha expresses the fact that despite the fact he was pinned to Goshinboku for Fifty years… he is, in the Hanyou lifespan… (biological clock… whatever it is…) that he is really only the same age as Kagome… so, that means he is about 15. Now… assuming that Demons have a greater length in lifespan… Sesshoumaru is _Older…_ but still, at the same time—nearly the same age. (This is explained on a Takahashi Rumiko approved source.) _So… though, I digress…_ Sesshoumaru is approximately 19 years old… and this is also mentioned on sources such as I do believe ; ) Which… by this point, would mean that Sesshoumaru is still yet fully matured, and by this theory—it proves that perhaps his actions are simply the _normal_ signs of his male nature/instincts for his age.

Interesting thought, no? But none-the less… Nineteen, or a thousand… Sesshoumaru sure is the hottest (besides Takashi Honda…) isn't he! LOL!

—S. I.

**2005. 09. 30 – 3,433 Words**


	3. Chapter Two: Two Lives Entwined

**Iiya Motto Moshiyou: No More Words**

**Chapter Two – Two Lives Entwined**

**> **

>

"_With desire, the world is tied down. With the subduing of desire, it is freed._

_With the abandoning of desire… all bonds are cut through." _

—Iccha Sutta

**> **

_**LAST CHAPTER:**_

…_.But—_

_To whom it did not go unnoticed by, was torn to shreds by the horrifying knowledge that was bestowed upon him… the knowledge only **he** was aware of… as the silver sheath at his hip pulsed violently, from the wake his angry tou, as it sensed the diminishing light from the soul of the girl it had sought out once before…_

**>  
**

Quietly Aki-san whispered words of consolation to the young girl, as she began to pour the warmed spirits into a small porcelain bowl, not knowing the ears of her Lady had become deaf, as her soul passed on through the world of the dead. 

The fragile body was slumped to the floor, a peaceful expression left in reminiscence on her face. _She looked as if she where dreaming..._ it suited her so well—the serenity of sleep. Her mind was finally set free from the binding tie that her remorse had left her in the clutches of. _It held her unwillingly—and yet, all the while, she allowed it—_

It was her choice really, and yet—in the end, she would not have chosen her own demise, nor her own tragic ending… and all the while, death was becoming on her quietly peaceful face. _She slept… _surely the sun would rise once again. _Though she lie sleeping… _the world would not set in sorrow. Nor did the sprites mourn in tears… _death becomes her…_ across her face of elegance, and refinement… purity, and timelessness. Her soul was once bound by the chains of mortality—now she was free from it all—free from the aging. _She was timeless… and her soul was seeking him out… seeking after his timeless soul—_but when she found him, she could not escape the terrifying pull that the tou of life had against her. _It was devouring her. _Trying to send her back from the way in which she had only just come—and it was sending him toward her… toward the whitened body that lie in the flickering light of the shiro, that the sun had only just set upon.

**>  
**

The rawness of the feeling that engulfed him, made his stomach feel as though it bled…—_he could feel the death that had engulfed something of his own._ Something that **belonged** to him. Only **HE** had the rights to take life from which he had given it to. _Only he had the authority to touch **her**._ She was his—and forbidden to the holds of mortality. It was **_time_**.

His pace was steady, and determined, as he walked toward the gates that kept the outside world from peering in at the courtyards, and the tall, forbidden walls of Heikeia-hime's shiro. _Inside lie the girl… _her body was pulsing with death… and her soul would soon escape her body, and there would be no way to save the small glimmer of hope for her life, as it was steadily fading away in to the depths of the underworld.

He was seething inside… _how could this happen so suddenly? _Did the girl take her own life? It didn't seem probable… but, there was always that unknown question, that lingered in the back of his mind. Perhaps seeing him was too much… perhaps it grieved her. But—it shouldn't have. She could see that he _needed_ her… and that **_surely_** meant something to her, because she would have _never_ seen him express the **_need_** for anything—or anyone,—ever. It simply was not something that he did, and she would be the one—the _only_ one who could ever know that to the fullest extent of it's overwhelming truth. It had **meaning**. Because… **_SHE_** meant something—to him. She wouldn't kill herself. It was obvious… the girl was sent into a state, where her mind, and heart—where overwhelmed, and her soul, was troubled. She was so weak… so desperately weak… and her frail body had fallen beneath the pulls of her weakness that sought out mercilessly on her stricken body.

But—that was not the most fearsome matters… but, in fact that the entire shiro had an eerie aura of death that circulated around it, set him at ill ease. _So, Rin was not the only one who had fallen prey to the claws of death…_ perhaps there was indeed something amiss beyond the walls that surrounded the courtyards of the shiro. As he neared the entrance, a swarm of angry gunryou where awaiting him, long foreign objects that where scented with black powder and smoke where all held level in their tensed arms, and a steady echo of clicks all sounded as the soldiers whispered among themselves in low, worried, and coarse tones.

"Leave—**NOW**—youkai! Lady Heikeia-hime has issued us the permission to **KILL** _any_ intruder, and Lady Heikeia _hates_ youkai. Leave now, or die!" Sesshoumaru was seething. How foolish of these mortal men, to presume that they could overtake him with nothing more than hollow sticks. Their stupidity, and recklessly bold words where astounding.

"Do you really presume to think that _you_ could cause any affliction to this Sesshoumaru?" They paled considerably…

Sesshoumaru…

He was the Great Demon Lord…

The son of the Inu no Taishou, Touga.

_What could he **ever** want with them!_

The man trembled, but bristled in inimicality. _His Lady **HATED** these creatures of the dark entity… _there was no reasoning to place, they would be **forced** to fight against this specter-formed creature. Sesshoumaru frowned. He could sense the unease, and insecurity that was overwhelming the young man that seemed to hold the most influence over all the men. _It was obvious that he was suffering over a mental conflict…_ but, perhaps there was also, a way to end it. "This shiro has an overwhelming dark aura of death… I can sense it, as well as _see_ it. It has engulfed the Lady Rin-hime, and another… although I am not certain of _whom_. Can you tell this Sesshoumaru what this **means**?" he asked somewhat uncertain of what the outcome of his inquisition would result in.

The man paled. "Death…?" it appeared that he had not expected this, and that was a good thing…

"Indeed. It is overwhelming my senses, and the girl—Rin-hime, her soul is being carried away—" "No! Do not speak any more! Kakkei! Call upon the priestess—Lady Rin—" "—Your nisou can do nothing for her life now. What do you think this Sesshoumaru would want with _shiboritsu_?" the gunryou all seemed to be lost in low tones of confusion, and their actions where dismal. "_Rin-hime_ is—**dead**! What do you want with us, youkai!" They asked, slowly backing away from the gates, as perspiration ran down their faces. It was known that Lady Heikeia was gravely ill, and Rin-hime being the heir—if she where indeed dead, then—their great empire had just fallen. Rin was truly their last hope to continue with the mighty reign of dominance over the island territories.

"I have come to restore to her, her _soul_… but it will not be without a great cost—" he paused. "…take me to her, before it is too late."

The men where skeptical, and they where placed in a position of great fear, and unease. "How do we know that you do not intend to kill us all!" one man hissed. Sesshoumaru glowered. _Time was running out for him… and for Rin. If her soul became devoured by the henge of the akunochimata, _there would be nothing he could do to replace within her the life that he so desperately desired to see flowing within her. And… it was _almost_ too late… his time was waning, and he could feel the angry soul that jolted within the tou of the dead, that remain sheathed at his waist. _He would not let her die…! _"This Sesshoumaru does not have time!" he shouted at them, and in a flame of white, he vanished before their eyes.

"Damn, the bastard—_he vaporized...!"_

**> **

Sesshoumaru stepped foot within the dark eerie-like halls of the shiro. The scent of sickness and death permeated every breath he drew in. He caught the scent—it reminded him faintly of what Rin had smelt like—only hours ago. He had mistaken this sickly aura for one of the dead… but, it was indeed, still alive—but barely.

_There was not yet time for this, though._

A horrified shriek pierced through the eerie silence within the shiro walls, and in an instant, Sesshoumaru was kneeling on the floor, by the nearly cold body, that was once inhabited by the soul of the girl, Rin. A round eyed maid-servant was tugging in futile attempts to shake her Lady back into the state of life, seeming not to notice the inhuman creature that was in such close proximity of both her, and Rin-hime. Sesshoumaru drew his angered tou, and prepared to thrust it forth into the heart of the girl—when he hesitated… what would she say once he revived her? He shook the maidservant fiercely, to draw her from her insanely unstable state. "Woman, tell me… who is the other one that suffers from the pulls of near death?" the maidservant paled, at the realization that this man had entered without her coherent knowledge of it… _still seeming to not notice the presence of the powerful youkai._ "Lady Heikeia-hime!" She gasped from shock of his awakening assault. He released his grasp upon her. _Heikeia-hime… she was—_

Without another thought, the blade of his tou was thrust through the motionless heart of the young woman that lie in the clutches of death, across the tatami mat on the floor in her room. Swiftly—he destroyed the _henge_, that where fighting wildly with the struggling soul who sought to be released. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes in relief. _She did **not** want to die, then…_ and then—the _henge_ vanished, and her soul seemed to linger between the two worlds: of the living, and of the dead. Her soul had been stripped of it's strength, and—she was not capable of returning to her body! _Where had Tensuaiga failed! _Why could he not bring her back to her body?

Why did life resist from fusing once more with her soul? White panic shot through his veins, and he felt himself begin to give way to his trembling body. As he sank to the ground, he realized—Tensuaiga had _already_ been used to restore to her, life that had been taken from her. _Could it really be possible that she was truly unable to be saved? _No. He would not let this haunt him. He reached after the weakened spirit, that lingered above the dead body of the girl, and he pulled it into his arms. This spirit form, it was clearly Rin. It's dark eyes that silently pleaded with him to do something—anything. And his heart was nearly torn from his chest at the sight. _Rin… she didn't know the slightest of what she was doing to him. Eating away at him, day and night without rest._ Was he really afraid?—He was _desperately_ afraid of losing her—_forever_.

The spirit looked at him once more, it's dainty lips pulled in a smile, as it's translucent hand reached to touch his sorrowful face. And before he knew what was happening to him—the spirit fused it's self within him, and everything became blurry. He was uncertain of what was happening—_had Rin's spirit form absorbed him? _No… he had absorbed her, but—it was not a fusing of the souls—her soul—had, taken from him—a part of his own! The spirit once again lingered above the lifeless girl, and then, they where enveloped in a blinding white light, as Rin's soul re-entered her body, for the second time.

Sprawled across her tatami mat, she stirred, but before she could open her eyes to blink—Sesshoumaru had disappeared.

He stood before the dying woman that seemed to barely be holding on to what little bit of strength she had. She was very young… he could tell that simply by the scent that she carried, though it be overwhelmed by the one of illness, and disease. "Hime…" he spoke evenly, as so not to frighten her. "Youkai… no, … ah, now I remember—_Sesshoumaru_-sama." She acknowledged, nearly inaudible. "Hn. So you know my name." She turned her face from him, in shame.

"Yes… but, I can not imagine what you would want with a dying mortal woman like myself, Sesshoumaru-sama. In fact… there is nothing I can give to you in my current position." Sesshoumaru smiled slightly, a strange glimmer shining in his eyes, reflected by the flame that burnt on the wick, which had been dipped into the small oil-filled vat. "Oh, but you are wrong, Hime. There is very much that you can give to me, and in return—this Sesshoumaru will restore something _priceless_ to you." She turned her gaze slowly back to meet his. "Oh? And what do you presume that to be, Sesshoumaru-sama?" He stepped forward, bending down to whisper into her ear… "Your life, Hime-sama."

"In what do I owe you for such a thing?" she asked, more afraid of what he would want in return, than her own soon approaching death. He sighed, breathily. "I want Rin." Heikeia-hime closed her eyes, and a smile danced across her tired face, a mere moment. "So… you have return for your girl—finally, after these four years. Why is it, Sesshoumaru-sama, that you want her now, of all times? Can you not tell that Rin has been mercilessly destroying herself? Can you not tell from her weakened, and fragile state that there is indeed something _wrong_? And now, of all times… you choose to come for her. Heh. How convenient for you. In such a weakened state, there is really nothing she could do to resist you anyway. Why revive me? You could take her just as well, without my permission, could you not?"

"Ah… you are very shallow, Sesshoumaru-sama. In her absence away from you… all her innocence has been taken from her—_and—_she has killed her unborn child, she did so as it remained within her womb, out of fear—and also out of the fear of shame that her lover left within her. Had you had come for her sooner, it would have never been this way. She—would have never suffered." Sesshoumaru's heart sank, and he was enveloped in a feeling as though his stomach was being ripped out from him.

_Rin… no, she would have never done—_

It had been four years, and—she did appear so broken…

He lowered his head in an insurmountable sense of remorse. "I would not take her without your consent… _these four years, I had left her to her own, and in that time—_the moment that you took her in, _she became yours_. She is no longer mine, regardless of how I desire it. But—your life will soon be expired, and I do not know of whether I can revive you from a natural death such as a disease… that is why I present this to you now. All I ask is that in return, you give me—_in return…_ the girl." His breath was shaky.

Everything the Hime had said to him—was devastatingly true. He _knew_ that she would never make such a thing up from nonsense. She was altogether too pure, and naïve to do a thing as that. Perhaps that is what endeared her to Rin—their very likeness. If he did not have the one reason alone to revive this woman's life, for simply the redemption of Rin, it would not be uneasy to find another. _This situation was not unprofitable, on either side of the matter_.

She sighed quietly, and closed her eyes. "There is only one condition to this—" he held his breath restrictively, as she spoke… "—I must first know—even if you never confess to this again—" his eyes closed, as a thousand and one different things ran through his weary mind…

"—Sesshoumaru-sama… _do you love her?"_

He bowed his head in both shame and anger. _This was not something he would entrust a mortal woman with! He was Sesshoumaru-sama! He needed not answer to anyone!_

"Sesshoumaru-sama… answer me. Do you love her?"

_He needed not to search himself of his motivations in wanting back the girl that he had desired for every moment of her absence…_

"Sesshoumaru-sama… do you love her?"

_The persistent woman was intruding in areas that she clearly had not the rights to even question! How dare she to think that he would ever answer to such things…!_

"Sesshoumaru-sama… she loves you more than words can express. My heart aches when I think of it. Alone, it is insurmountable… it has no limits, nor no end—and to give her back to you… I must know—_do you love Rin_?"

And there was the dull ache that ate away at him… and tore his chest open like the fine strands of a spider's loom. In a mere whisper, her answer brushed over the tip of his tongue…

"_Yes_."

And so, they had reached their agreement.

"—There is one thing," he paused before continuing… "this tou is only capable of resurrecting… and you _as of yet_ are alive. I will have to—" "I already know…" broke in the tired voice. "…I already know. _Do it. _You need not linger in interlude among your actions, Sesshoumaru-sama, I _already_ know." His face furrowed in confusion, but he did not pause to contemplate any longer. Grasping his hands around her neck, in one quick motion, he had snapped her neck cleanly, and her death came at a near instant.

He closed his eyes. _If this did not work… then—_

Grasping the hilt of his tou, he thrust cleanly into the dead Hime's heart, and in a near instant, the light faded, and she quietly stood to her feet. A few tears where dampening her face, to be hastily wiped away.

"Thank you, I can never truly repay you for this—but please promise me one thing—that I shall see Rin again—at least once! I _beg_ of you!" He hastened to avert his gaze, and his eyelids closed in contemplation. "_That_, is a promise that I am not certain can be kept." As the Hime fell to her knees, he disappeared into the deep hallway, to reclaim the one that he had spent _so very long_ away from. He was prepared to face the very thing that he had been in denial of: He _loved_ her.

There where so many things that he knew had to be said, had to be done… and, whether or not she would be willing to leave this place with _him_ or not was altogether an uncertainty. It was obvious that she loved this place, but in those four years… _even in the lifespan of a mortal_… she could not have forgotten him. _The Hime had made it somewhat clear that she had not…_ but, then—what was it that she was fighting against to heartedly? Where did her inner battles lie? Was there truly such a thin line between love and hate?

Was forgiveness something that took _ages_ to acquire? Was there a way that all could return to how it once was—_to how it **should** have been?_ Was her heart never to be contented?

She had struggled so desperately against him. _She was running away from something…_ away from **him**. It was not what he wanted, and he could only _hope _silently that it was only mere idealism, but—there was that area of a know truth, that nearly made him ache. _Had pride, and arrogance really torn something from his grasp that was irreplaceable?_

His face contorted into livid anguish. There was little that he could do to affect her feelings on their relationship. _There was once a time… _that she would have given anything, and _everything_ for what he wanted so desperately to give to her now, but he had already foreseen the first of her refusal. She both _hated_, and _loved_ him. Upon his first encounter, it was evident in her very expressions. Her eyes reflected everything perfectly. _Regardless of how she tried to conceal her heart within her sophisticaté,_ her eyes hid absolutely nothing from him. They revealed _all_ of her secrets. Her struggles, her wishes, and her tears.

He did not allow himself to dwell in thought of _her_ pains though. There where _many_, and that he was certain of. _And for that reason alone…_ he decided that the only thing he need dwell on be the girl _herself_, that lie right behind the screen he was breathing ever so lightly against…

**> **

He was so torn—so timid. Her life was no longer in perilous danger. She was alive, and on the other side of the paper screen… and he was _absolutely_ certain that she was aware that she had died, and he had _been there_. She would more or less, expect such a thing. _Her very spirit had **pulled** something out of him_. Of that he was rather certain as well, seeing as though she had both used him as a _door_ to return to the world of the living, as though she was incapable of returning to such a present on her own powers, even if though by the help of his tou, Tensuaiga—she had most likely also required to some extent—a piece of _his_ soul in return.

It was a most intriguing principal, truly. However; even in such ponderings, he was left with the present—he had to bring her to _at least_ the point where she could speak to him. She seemed as though she _wanted_ to distance herself from him. She was letting everything eat away at her heart, and it had killed her. At least she could know that her Lady Heikeia-hime's life would be extended for a _great many_ years, and in that time, there would be plenty for both him and her, to come to an understanding on _what must be done_ once it was time for Lady Heikeia to **respectfully** pass on her title to the girl.

He knew that she most likely hated him… and in all reality, it was expected, but hate had nothing to do with anything. She _would_ love him again. It was all in the ways of life. She would once again give to him the entirety of her heart, simply because _she would._ There was no room for contemplation in the matter.

He placed one hand over the edge of the delicate screen, and gently drew it back toward himself, until he was able to peer inside the dimly lit room, with flames dancing on the shadows of the wall, from the small fire in the center of the room, and the few wicks that burnt in their vats of magnolia oil.

Then—he saw her. She was looking directly into his eyes, unwavering. Kneeling on the floor behind her, her maid was picking through her Lady's hair with a silver comb. The light of the fire reflected in the glassy sheen of her eyes. Slowly she lowered her head in thought, until it rested upon her bent knees, her arms folded over them in the front, slightly constricting in appearance. "Forgive me, Lord Sesshoumaru, but I believe I have taken something of yours, and I would be obliged to return it to you, but it seems as though the only way that is possible is through death, but perhaps either that could be arranged, or else I fear I am eternally indebted to your supreme grace." She spoke evenly through the quiet room. "Indeed." he replied, as he slowly walked toward her. "And, of your debt, I require _much_." She raised her face to look at him, and eyebrow arched in question. He smiled briefly at her façade, and continued; "So it goes that you _are_ eternally indebted to me, and as I should, require recompense… this Sesshoumaru has decided upon a way that it can be such."

"Oh?" she asked, feigning mild interest. "Indeed." He again replied. "I have _decided,_ due to the fact that _Her Lady, the Hime_, has also been indebted to my person—it has been arranged that you shall be coming with me, and this Sesshoumaru shall hear nothing of your refusal—it is not to be tolerated, nor heeded in any way, form or matter. See to it that you understand, I have restored to your _dying_ Lady, the full health, and years that her lifespan would have otherwise provided. I had means of a way that it could be done, and her intentions where so that she preferred you not to be forced into an early position of _power_, seeing as you are ill prepared for such. _Your life is my gain in this matter, or so it would seem._"

She frowned. He made it impossible for her to have any say in the matter at all. Her health was much better… but her heart ached as it did before. _It was not merely the suffering of external, or mortal based agony, or illness…_ but it was the past that lingered with her very soul that had scarred her _deeper than any wound could penetrate_. It was a hopeless situation. The only thing there seemed to be reason to question was too beyond her will to ask. She _would not_ be forced by the means of **him** to lower herself to the level of begging him for anything. She was **far** above that point.

She raised herself to her feet, and shooed away her seemingly flustered maid, who was continually throwing fearful glances toward the specter in the doorway…

"If that is your price for **my Lady**'s life, then I shall be obliged to be the cause of compensating for the cost. _However,_ know this Sesshoumaru: **_for all that you have COST me, _**you owe far more than you could _ever_ hope to repay."

She bowed respectfully, and walked from him… suddenly feeling slightly uplifted after all the years that she had been bound to an eternal state of remorse, and depression… _so that is what she truly wanted…_ revenge? Was it **truly** this that she craved for beyond all things? No. She reminded herself, No. It was _not_ revenge—it was _understanding_. It was **him** understanding what she had felt in the time of their separation from one another. He had seemingly been unaffected, while she had suffered beyond her imagination.

**THAT** was truly—where her hearts desires found their place.

And as she walked away, something burned deeply within her… and she noted to herself—it was if though her soul was crying—but, it was not her own. _She could feel his regret… his suffering… his sorrow… _and it was the same as her own.

>

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**>  
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_**End Of Chapter Two…**_

**> **

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**Glossary:**

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**akunochimata** – the underworld/hell

**gunryou** – army/soldiers

**henge** - goblins

**ningen** – human

**nisou** – priestess

**shiboritsu** – mortals/lit. 'mortality'

**shiro **– castle

**tou** – sword blade

**toukaidou** – the name of Lady Heikeia's lands/empire

**wagakimi** – my lord

**youkai **– ghost/apparition/specter

**>**

**A/N:**

To: **Nightraven**

LOL! Sess is a babe! ;) Haha! I loved that, and I nearly died reading it! You are right though! Hehe!

I am glad you like the story, I tried to cut down a lot of the unnecessary stuff, and add more dialogue, rather than just insights on emotion! I hope it helped/worked, whatever! ;) LOL!

To: **Spike's-sex-slave**

Here you are! Another chapter, and I hope I didn't disappoint!

To: **clax**

Did I really do that? Hrm… I must have been having a brain freeze or something. Thanks though! I tried to focus more on that! Haha! LOL! ;)

To: **RabidAnimeGurl**

Interesting… Yes. Well, there is an interesting review! Thanks so much! ;)

To: **Icygirl**

Thank you for reviewing! I love to hear from you! You are my most frequent reviewer so far, and I am HONORED by the fact that you would even review by an e-mail just so that you could send a review! (blushes…) I am honored!

…

Thank all of you for your reviews! I am still in need of a beta reader, and I would LOVE if someone would be willing to volunteer? Please let me know if you are willing to

_Alright… a little bit of an explanation:_

Rin _did_ actually die. Sesshoumaru had to restore her life—but, in doing this—he was forced to use his own life source in replenishing hers, due to the fact that she had died _a natural_ death; in the sense that she was not **_murdered_**. He had also _already resurrected_ her once—making it impossible for Tensuaiga to restore her soul, without some drastic measures—which include the life-source of another soul.

Thanks for the wait!

—S. I.

**>**

**> **

**2005. 11. 17 – 4,457 Words**


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